You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
