I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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