I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
