Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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