Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
