I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
