OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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