Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The Olympian is in my bed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
