Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
