I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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