Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
