I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
