so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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