where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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