Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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