So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
