I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
