he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
