ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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