Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
