Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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