...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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