Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
