I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
