meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
