Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
