My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
