Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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