I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
