I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
