you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
