I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
