im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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