Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
