I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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