she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize