FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
