Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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