Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He felt like a one man threesome
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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