so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
