It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
