Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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