Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
