I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
