I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
