Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize