You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
