I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
