Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
