Taylor Swift is so right about you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
