You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We're too hungover to prance.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
