Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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