get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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