i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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