I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
