just come out here and I will go home with you...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Randomize
