White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
