Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
