What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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