I'm going to jail i love you
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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