u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize