she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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