I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
