what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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