My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
