new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am one with the molecules
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
