Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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